We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
