I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
