She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
