I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I did not know male screamers existed until now. Good for him. Good for my ego.
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Randomize
