i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
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