Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Randomize
