Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
I'm glad the dog doesn't judge me for doing leftover lines and watching George of the Jungle at 10 am
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
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