just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I want to have sex in my car again before I put the car seat back in
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize