So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
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