btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
I think it was a low point but honestly at this point I've had so many that my life is like a valley
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
Randomize
