Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
and now that ive poetically compared your vagina to a nuclear missile, I hope youre prepared for this date.
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I'm not sure which one did it but one of them fucked the kink out of my neck
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
Randomize
