naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
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