just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If you're with any of them tell them i apologize for (insert whatever i did here)
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Randomize
