I just recorded courtney puking and set it as my ringtone.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
