you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
