Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
