Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
I decided to name her "day after thanksgiving" because I am sure I just got someone elses leftovers.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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