I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Roommate just came in drunk and tweaked out because my tv has a DVD player built in. Waaaaaayyyy too sober for that conversation.
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize
