everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
i just called my dad a bottom. he agreed
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
she referred to her cum as “pussy butter” so needless to say we had a good night
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