Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
