yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
it's like iHOP with fire
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize