i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
I had this image of some guy in a taco truck down by the IMA accosting you for a peep show.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I did just chug a pint glass of wine during a solid round of masterbation, so I believe I am ready for bingo.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
Randomize
