I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
She sent me a text saying she picked out 17 different Halloween costumes for our kids when they hit the age of 4... The cling factor should have me running right now but honestly I'm just curious
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Well I'm nervous now about the consequences of letting you loose
It's a big decision, I respect that you need to think about it.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
Randomize
