Saw a Delta Zeta recruitment poster today. On it, somebody added, "All you need is your daddy's credit card and a lack of self-respect."
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
I'm worried my skin won't stretch enough to handle this boner. Then what?
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
That was before I lit my hair on fire
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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