Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
