My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
