I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Randomize
