the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
I think a kid would responsible me up
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
