Did you see 7 ppl got hurt at Talladaga?
Did they get their mullets stuck in an engine?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Feel free to drag me back to reality at your convenience
Randomize
