He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
If she wasn't my friend I'd think she was a huge slut
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
It would be like if I said I had the cure for cancer and my explanation was I like turtles.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
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