i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Randomize
