After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
