I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
So, Cheetos don't microwave great.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
