When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
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