Im at strip club and am horny
I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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