All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Other than a hickey from some random Canadian roller derby girl, I came out unscathed
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
Randomize