I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize
