Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
