I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Still dying that you shit outside
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
