Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
love makes seman taste better
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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