how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
