After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
Randomize
