So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Randomize
