No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
So that prostitue I banged at Steve's bachelor party just texted and invited me to a BBQ at her parents. Never again doubt the power of the cock piercing.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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