I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
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