What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
We had sex this morning and after she goes, " So are we going to do something for Valentines Day?"
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
This is the high leading the old right now
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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