So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Just drug him and when he wakes up say "You just woke up from a coma, we've been married for 5 years." It'll be like The Vow but fucked up.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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