Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
Randomize