why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
So I answered the door in my underwear expecting my boyfriend. Instead I opened the door to Mormon missionaries. Do you think that was a sign from God?
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
