I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
Randomize
