your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
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