hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Cover your peen. We're going out.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
