it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
time to smoke my breakfast
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
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