if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
