in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
When do you estimate your next shower will be? Several people have asked.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Randomize
