the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
After you took the handle off the bathroom door I had to coach the Scottish guy sitting on the toilet, throwing up in his own lap, how to put his pants back on. Yes, I think he won the drinking game.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
Randomize
