he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
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