I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
So I've been spending my morning trying to figure out if there's a corealation between Wednesday margarita night and the boat that's now in my living room.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
How many fucks given?
0.12846
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
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