it's like everything I expected to see tonight all put together in one at once
that is the greatest description ever
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
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