R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
I'm not taking advise from someone who responded to the pickup line "I have a penis"
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
