y did u give ur computer a hand job?
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
