It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
