No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
I just bedazzled my weight watchers points calculator. You can tell I'm gay.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I am so horny that I an legitimately concerned for your safety when I see you tonight.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
