Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
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