Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
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