You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My grandma just told me that she sharted, no I am not having fun in El Paso.
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
The bartender from Thursday remembered me... And gave me a FLAMING BUCKET of alcohol.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
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