So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
