you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Randomize