We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So, got kind of drunk last night, made out with some guy, and somehow stole his credit card. Don't even know.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Cum just came out of my nose. That is all.
Randomize