Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
i'm going through the NYU 2014 group looking for future drunken hookups. too slutty?
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
She asked for her virginity back. I don't know what to say
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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