I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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