I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
It has been so long since I got any action that I have decided to change my vagina's name from "the chamber of judgement" to "the cave of forgotten dreams".
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
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