Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Randomize
