I just put a condom on my dildo so i wouldng get another uti....most depresIng moment of.my LIFE
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
Go big or go home. Or get a live in house boy you met 7 years ago and feel like you have unfullfilled potential. You know, the usual
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
